Breaking His Resistance
by Miss Lestrade
Summary: What happens to Sheppard and after the events of Lifeline? This is my take on how he handles it. Lots of yummy Shep angst! No ship but friendship, and there's plenty to go around. Spoilers for Sunday, First Strike, and Lifeline.


Breaking His Resistance 

Spoilers for Sunday, First Strike, and anything after that.

I do not own Stargate Atlantis. If I did, certain people wouldn't have died on a certain day of the week. -coughsundaycough-

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Lt. Colonel John Sheppard slowly slid down to the cool, icy floor, his mind buzzing continuously, fogging his vision and clawing at his stomach. He couldn't believe they'd lost Elizabeth. He'd been right there, and he'd let her go. He'd failed. Pulling in a shaking breath, he looked emptily around at his quarters. Nothing seemed warm. It was like a dark chill had descended upon his life and refused to let him go.

Rodney McKay walked back to his quarters in a daze, a sickening, silent daze. He hadn't been able to stop trembling now that he'd gotten back to Atlantis. Everything was safe for the moment, which was all new to him. Up until now, Atlantis had been in a constant state of emergency, with alarms blaring and people running around like ants escaping from a magnifying glass that was slowly burning them to death, one by one…Rodney suddenly jumped slightly when he found himself outside of a familiar door. But it wasn't his door.

Sheppard hadn't moved at all since he'd let himself fall through the door to his quarters. He was starting to really feel sick now. He couldn't stop shaking, and sweat dampened his unruly hair. Wrapping himself up in a fetal position against the smooth metal behind him, Sheppard focused on breathing, another thing that was coming hard to him. Every breath was a chore to take. He just didn't have the energy.

Rodney stared at the door to Sheppard's quarters, not sure if he should go in or not. Dr. Keller had ordered that everyone should rest, and maybe Sheppard was actually heeding her orders. The more Rodney thought of it that way the more absurd it seemed. Sheppard following a doctor's advice was only a sign of Armageddon.

Sighing, Rodney found that he really didn't want to sleep. Or be alone, for that matter. He was so used to the noise and the rush of adrenaline that he wasn't sure he could do without it. He knocked.

The sudden, amplified sound of knocking startled Sheppard so much that he actually considered the possibility that his heart might've stopped. Shaking harder now, he turned and blinked at the door. The last thing he'd been expecting was noise. His mind felt completely blank and useless as he tried to decide whether or not to answer the irritating and insistent knocking.

Rodney began to get worried. Biting his lower lip, he knocked again. He could picture Sheppard sitting up in bed, pointedly ignoring him and reading that stupid book he was trying to finish…War and Peace or something. But Rodney could also imagine him locked somewhere, sitting in the dark and running out of air. God! Since when had he become so worrisome?

"Sheppard, open up or I'll do it for you!" McKay was getting increasingly worried as the seconds passed by. He had known Sheppard for quite some time now, well enough to know that the poor bastard was prone to overwhelming himself and it really screwed with his brain. "I'm warning you Colonel, I know how to get to you. Oh yes, yes, yes! Remember that golf club you left in my room the other week? Come out or said club gets it!"

Not receiving an answer, Rodney opened the door himself. Thank god for the ATA gene. Squinting, he could see that it was…dark. Shivering a bit, the physicist could feel the numbness that had been surrounding him the past few days slowly start to be replaced with fear again. Slowly, he prepared to take a step. However, when he did, he tripped over something hard yet soft. It made a noise of pain as Rodney fell over it, bringing them both down. "WHAT THE HELL!"

Rodney stopped short with a gasp as he realized he'd just tripped over his quarry. Sheppard lay curled on the ground next to him, shaking his head slightly in dazed pain. Rodney gaped as he stared at his friend. Sheppard's hair was damp and his body was drenched in sweat. Not only that, but he was shaking like mad the small wheezing sounds he was making must have been breaths.

"Oh my god, Sheppard…" Rodney whispered. Pulling himself up on his knees, he leaned back on his heels and peered down at the colonel. He could have been wrong, but it seemed as if Sheppard wasn't fully aware of his presence. Cringing ever so slightly, McKay reached down and wrapped an arm around Sheppard's back, dragging him up with some difficulty. Placing him against the wall, McKay knelt next to him. Sheppard curled into himself again, turning away from Rodney in a truly pathetic attempt to beseech the scientist to leave him alone.

Now a bit annoyed, McKay placed a hand firmly under Sheppard's jaw and forced him to make eye contact. Right away, McKay could tell Sheppard wasn't fully listening. His hazel irises were glassy, and only reflected confusion. "You're sick." stated McKay, pressing a hand against John's forehead. What scared him was that Sheppard made no move to flinch away or bat at the invading hand. Rodney winced as the heat from his friend radiated up to him. He cringed as well when he realized Sheppard was still shaking like a leaf. A really scrawny, feverish leaf.

McKay was about to stand up to radio for a medical team when Sheppard suddenly gripped weakly at McKay's shirt. Rodney froze, his blue eyes wide. "M'Kay?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"M' sorry…"

McKay blinked incredulously. "Sorry?" he whispered, slightly overcome and alarmed by the raw pain in Sheppard's voice. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I couldn't…save…her. First Carson…now Elizabeth…" John gasped out, looking ready to fall apart. God, it was like he'd been torturing himself all along! Rodney, not having the slightest clue what to say, settled for feeling helpless and depressed as well. Elizabeth was gone. She was really gone. The numbness started to return.

Suddenly, however, Rodney found himself with an armful of Sheppard. The colonel had pitched forward until his chin was resting on Rodney's shoulder and his thin, shivering frame was pressed against Rodney's chest. The scientist tensed, momentarily thrown off by the sudden show of very un-Sheppard like behavior. Then he realized that his friend was sobbing; or trying to. His shoulders twitched and his chest rose and fell rapidly. He buried his face into McKay's jacket.

McKay's throat started feeling tight and his eyes blurred over. This was new. No one had ever made him cry…not counting the evil bastards in grade school, of course. He was crying because he'd been moved. Sheppard was what he considered a best friend, and now it was too much to see the great leader and once strong spirit be beaten down into a sobbing, feverish wreck. Carefully rubbing John's back, Rodney subconsciously began rocking back and forth as his beloved aunt had once done for him a long, long time ago. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault." He assured, voice cracking.

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Rodney stood over Sheppard's bed, his arms crossed and a scowl plastered over his features. "You're staying right there, and no amount of coffee is changing that!"

"C'mon, Rodney, please?" Sheppard stared up at the annoyed physicist, a pathetically sad, injured look on his features. It was the infamous puppy-dog face.

"Dr. Biro said you need rest."

"So?"

Rodney sighed and an uncomfortable silence pressed down upon them. "Look, Sheppard…I just want you to know that I, um, meant everything I said. You know, when you were…"

To his surprise, Sheppard didn't try to interrupt him. He merely gazed up at Rodney, his hazel eyes unreadable. Finally, he spoke.

"Thank you."

And he meant it.

------------------------THE END

So! How'd you like it? I just found the plot bunny sitting next to me on the couch as I watched Stargate last night. Now I beg you, please review! I need feedback! drools


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